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It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely.

Except that I am. And exactly a year ago today, I was not lonely. Not at all. I was as close as I ever was before - to anyone.

But today I am lonely.

I am drinking a bottle of wine by myself.

I am embracing papercuts, bitten-down nails, split-ended hairs and runny mascara. I am embracing the me that wreaks havoc inside my brain. I am embracing cigarette butts inside my chest, I am embracing forgotten moments and meaningless conversations.

I am embracing being normal, I am embracing drawings on bathroom tiles when it gets foggy. I am embracing slips and I am embracing wounds.

I am embracing loneliness and I am embracing freedom. I am embracing myself and I am embracing alienation from the person I think I am. I am embracing the world and leaving myself behind. I am never letting go.

I am never crying again.

I am stronger than anyone else I know.

and weaker than myself