Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Lisa Rowe: You know, there's too many buttons in the world. There's too many buttons and they're just - there's way too many just begging to be pressed, they're just begging to be pressed, you know? They're just - they're just begging to be pressed! And it makes me wonder, it really makes me fucking wonder, why doesn't anyone ever press mine? Why am I so neglected? Why doesn't anyone reach in and rip out the truth and tell me that I'm a fucking whore, or that my parents wish I were dead?
Susanna Kaysen: Because you're dead already, Lisa! No one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place to feel alive. It's pathetic.

We are

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Won't you.

No matter how hard I hit, you'll always hit me harder.

Won't you?


No matter how many pills I take, I'll never fall asleep.
No matter how many words I read inside my head, I'll never write them down. Not anymore.
No matter how many times I tell myself that I'm okay, I'll always realize just how much I am not okay.
No matter how many times I cry, new tears will always pour out.

And at the bottom of it all...
No matter how many times I smile, I'll always be chewed up from the inside. And nothing will ever feel right again - ever.

Monday, December 20, 2010


It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely.
Except that I am. And exactly a year ago today, I was not lonely. Not at all. I was as close as I ever was before - to anyone.
But today I am lonely.

I am drinking a bottle of wine by myself.

I am embracing papercuts, bitten-down nails, split-ended hairs and runny mascara. I am embracing the me that wreaks havoc inside my brain. I am embracing cigarette butts inside my chest, I am embracing forgotten moments and meaningless conversations.
I am embracing being normal, I am embracing drawings on bathroom tiles when it gets foggy. I am embracing slips and I am embracing wounds.
I am embracing loneliness and I am embracing freedom. I am embracing myself and I am embracing alienation from the person I think I am. I am embracing the world and leaving myself behind. I am never letting go.
I am never crying again.
I am stronger than anyone else I know.

and weaker than myself


It's terrible to feel like a floating head on a string.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010



Just when I thought my life was falling apart, I completely surpassed my wildest expectations.

This is a night for smiling, even if there's a hint of blood on my teeth.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Wow... this was a hard kick. Right between my already broken ribs.

I don't know what will come of this.

I am lonely once again.