Monday, December 20, 2010

Account

It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely.
Except that I am. And exactly a year ago today, I was not lonely. Not at all. I was as close as I ever was before - to anyone.
But today I am lonely.

I am drinking a bottle of wine by myself.

I am embracing papercuts, bitten-down nails, split-ended hairs and runny mascara. I am embracing the me that wreaks havoc inside my brain. I am embracing cigarette butts inside my chest, I am embracing forgotten moments and meaningless conversations.
I am embracing being normal, I am embracing drawings on bathroom tiles when it gets foggy. I am embracing slips and I am embracing wounds.
I am embracing loneliness and I am embracing freedom. I am embracing myself and I am embracing alienation from the person I think I am. I am embracing the world and leaving myself behind. I am never letting go.
I am never crying again.
I am stronger than anyone else I know.

and weaker than myself

1 comment:

I. said...

i love your words.